Red gel pen

“Don't be sad” I get it. You only get to live once, maybe you should make the most of it. And of course, my teen years are supposed to be the best years of my life. “Keep your head up!” Well, then why does it feel like the world around me is crashing down?

Everything is changing. I’m changing, the society is changing, the people around me are changing. and I get it, “change is the only constant.”

by Ananya Malde

but as I sit here on my bed writing this after yet another day where I didn’t get a lot done, but I’m exhausted just the same, I can’t help but think. I can’t help but wonder, is there more to this? Why are we throwing away our childhood teen years because we want to get into a good enough college just to and then work a 9-5 for the rest of our lives? What's the point of it all? What's the deal? Why has society slowly drilled into my head that my self-worth is based on a number written on an answer sheet? Why have I grown to dread the all too familiar red circle and signature at the top of my exam paper, with a few numbers written inside of it? why.

Why do I need a 96% to make me happy, and not a good day where I take time for myself? “but these are your formative years!” believe me, I know. I’m reminded of it all too often. I’m aware that this isn’t right. my worth shouldn’t be based on a grade on a test or achieving a good SAT score. and yet, even as I wrote that sentence, I knew I would still base my worth on marks anyway. That's what hurts. We all know what we’re doing wrong, but we do nothing to make it right. and it's a lot to take in, nothing is the same anymore, which is what hurts the most.

So I sit here today, writing this because I want to go back to the days where a red pen just meant some fun heart doodles in the margins of my notebook, and not my entire perception of myself.